Volume 1, Number 2
The following stories are real. Not all of the names have been changed. Just the ones we couldn't remember.
She is not positively unsure that she is 100% sure.
A host on one of the home shopping channels was offering a piece of jewelry that had a similar look and feel to other pieces previously offered by the company. Her promise to potential purchasers left little doubt about her verbal ability...
"you kind of get a matching set, so to speak."
WTMTSW... "It's not part of a set, but if I said that, you wouldn't buy it. Maybe, I guess."
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I am a professional.
Please do not attempt this without proper training.
We can now move 'government communications director' above 'military intelligence' on the list of all-time great oxymorons. The unfortunate occasion was the post-deed press conference following the execution of a convicted murderer in Delaware during mid-March. The 'government communications director' for the state solemnly read from a prepared statement... "Mr. (name withheld) was pronounced dead at 12:35 a.m. He was asked if he had anything to say, and he said no."
Now that would have been a whopper of a story.
WTMTSW..."He did not rise from the dead."
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Things not to say to a cop after committing a heinous crime.
Stopped on an interstate highway driving away from Oklahoma City 75 minutes after the explosion on April 19, the alleged bomber, obviously thinking quickly, told the policeman who pulled him over that he was headed cross-country. Unfortunately, he was heading due north at the time.
WTMTSW... "Actually officer, what I meant by cross-country, was that I'm heading 'cross from Mexico to Canada. Cross-country. Get it?"
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An honest mistake from an honest citizen.
Say somebody sneaks into your driveway during the night and slinks off with your license plate. You immediately panic, but quickly remember your license number. You grab a piece of cardboard, cut it to just the right size, and carefully print the correct number in big black letters. But just to make sure the cops know what happened, you ingeniously add.. "Stolen Plate."
WTMTSW..."There, that'll make it clear."
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It could happen?!.!!?
Crafting plausible scenarios for TV ads is a tough job. Writers and art directors lock themselves in a room and launch ideas at the wall and at each other, hoping something will stick. Well, sometimes they get stuck...
... like on an ad for a dental health plan. The spot opens with a husband and wife discussing his new job offer. She expresses concerns over his seniority at his current job... over the cost of the move... over the security of a new position. All is not going well... until.... until... she asks about benefits. He innocently mutters something about medical insurance, before uttering those magic words... "And I'll also get dental. Delta Dental."
Well, she goes wild. Forget seniority. Forget a move. Forget the job. My god, you'll get Delta Dental.
WTMTSW... "Our creative strategy was full of holes, so we filled it with whatever we could find."
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What They Meant To Say Was...(WTMTSW) May 1, 1995 Edition / Vol.1, No.2
Copyright © 1995 Dalton, Rich & More, Inc. All rights reserved.
