Volume 2, Number 1
If a football referee blows a whistle in the woods...
During the Fox Television broadcast of the October 29, 1995 Philadelphia Eagles-St. Louis Rams NFL football game, the play-by-play announcer observed that off-setting penalties would make the play --
"...a mute point"
WTMTSW... "I heard two whistles, so I guess they cancel each other."
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Same time next year?
A Philadelphia-area car dealer spent thousands promoting his incredible "Once-a-Year Sale" on television. Problem was, it was the end of the year and time was rapidly running out. Not to worry though, because at the end of the commercial he let us know that his "Once-a-Year Sale" would last only three days --
"...December 30, 31 and January 1"
WTMTSW... "I'm a car dealer. I can have as many "Once-a-Year Sales" as I want."
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Now class, let's do those numbers again...
TV weather people probably wonder where they ever got their reputation as ditzes. Well, one cable weather guru needn't wonder any more after boldly announcing during a particularly hot spell last summer that the heat index was going to range from --
"...One-O-Nine to One-O-Ten degrees"
WTMTSW... "Thank goodness it won't hit one-o-twenty!"
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We know feet, not sentence construction.
In a recent radio advertisement by the Foot & Ankle Institute of Philadelphia, the announcer, after explaining its amazing capabilities, built to a big close --
"...Feet and ankles. It's all we do.
Just imagine how good we are at it."
WTMTSW... "Whoops. Stubbed another one."
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A sign that all is not right with the world...
Drive through parts of Chester County, Pennsylvania and you'll feel as though you're on a journey through a scenic highlights book. It's horse country. With big farms, rolling pastures and literally miles and miles of picturesque beauty the locals don't want the rest of us to destroy. So how do they make their point? Why, they simply post big signs on beautiful old trees with the seemingly innocent message --
"Scenic roadway. No littering."
WTMTSW... "Please hold your trash for the next county."
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How'd they do that?
Tragedy strikes every day. So much so that we almost become numb to the details. Unfortunately, it's not the radio announcer who should become numb as this news guy proved one day when he said --
"...The drowning victim is an unidentified
35-year old male from Doylestown."
WTMTSW... "First one to guess who he is, wins!"
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A company in the health and fitness field publishes a newsletter and includes a recipe in each issue. One of its recent recipe offers included these instructions --
"...In a mixing bowel,
combine cream cheese, juice..."
WTMTSW... "Getting a little ahead of ourselves, aren't we?"
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No shooting of any kind permitted...
The Philadelphia Eagles football team plays in a city-owned facility called Veterans Stadium. It's a blue collar town with fans who love to get into the celebration. Win or lose. So naturally, folks were a bit surprised and disappointed this season when they showed up and took a look at the new signs posted above all entrances --
"...No Video, No Weapons"
WTMTSW... "Geez, weapons were allowed last year..."
Copyright © 1996 Dalton, Rich & More, Inc. All rights reserved.
