Volume 4, Number 1
To Hail With the Laws of Physics!
The Weather Channel offers in-depth insights on everything from hurricanes to the difference between sleet and freezing rain. These people obviously know their stuff. In fact, to even the casual viewer, it quickly becomes apparent that they are real meteorologists... and weren't hired for their personalities.
Which is maybe as good a reason as any why one occasionally gets caught in a verbal noose. While describing impending dangerous winds, one crack weather expert declared that those in high profile vehicles...
"...should be especially careful when driving from the left to the right."
WTMTSW... "Those driving from the right to the left should fear no wind!"
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All's Fair in Love and...
Tired of the Clinton scandal. Well, we were, until we heard this tidbit on Philadelphia's all-news radio station KYW. Discussing the president's heart-to-heart talk to the country before the Starr Report was released, they reported that...
"...Hillary Clinton says she loves her husband through a spokeswoman."
WTMTSW... "Apparently there's more to this story than we thought."
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Thou Shalt Not Speed.
Wielding the English language like the unruly club that it is, traffic sign writers in Maryland warn summer visitors as they enter the gate to a picturesque community of quaint cottages...
"Speed Limit 15.
Radar Enforced.
Violators Will Be Persecuted."
WTMTSW... "Repeat offenders will be flogged."
Submitted by David Hitt, Media, PA
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This is Not Going to Curtail Teen Sex...
In Media, PA, a county seat in the western Philly suburbs, there's one of those interesting little motels that rents rooms by the hour. We guess word of mouth just doesn't get enough business, because they have a billboard just outside of town that boasts...
"...The ______ Motel. Teens Free."
WTMTSW... "Proof of age required. We run a clean place here!"
Submitted by Tiffany Weston, Media, PA
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Everybody Needs an American Name...
The unfortunate soul who was convicted of killing Bill Cosby's son has a name that could be confusing to most Americans who assume the whole world is American. While covering the story on NBC's Today Show, one of the talented sub-title writers typed in Michael Markhasev's name as...
"...Mark Hasev."
WTMTSW... "Hey, I thought Mark was his middle name."
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When You Can't Get a Confession the Easy Way...
Police in Upper Darby, PA responded to a call of a robbery at knife point in the parking lot of a local music shop. The suspect escaped with the money, but was later identified from a photo line-up. A local newspaper, the Delaware County Sunday Times then picked up the story with...
"...(the suspect) later admitted to the robbery
at knife point, police said."
WTMTSW... "Hey...whatever works."
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Eat At Your Own Risk.
Leaving a Denny's Restaurant in Texas after what seemed like a rather satisfying meal, our contributor noticed a plaque on the wall boasting a high rating for their "health and safety" inspections.
"91% Passing Rate."
WTMTSW... "One out of eleven customers can expect to get a meal that wouldn't pass the health and safety regulations."
Submitted by Carl, Round Rock, TX
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Hey Look! A Stone!
We often examine the names of companies... but these folks make a case for hyperbole of the decade...
"Eureka Stone Quarry."
WTMTSW... "We expected more dirt. But when we dug deeper, we hit the motherload... stone!"
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What They Meant To Say Was...(WTMTSW) May. 1, 1998 Edition / Vol.4, No.1
Copyright © 1998 Dalton, Rich & More, Inc. All rights reserved.
